come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
