my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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