My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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