party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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