Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
