I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
