So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
