Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
