When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Houston, we have a blender
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
