Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
