I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
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