woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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