i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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