I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
