i barfeds in our rink
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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