went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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