my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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