Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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