Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Sober January is a disaster.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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