me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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