Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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