Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
