Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize