I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
bring money and cleavage
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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