Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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