I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
