Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
