I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
