Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
ugly people sure do ruin things
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
