what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
