in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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