garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
