I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
