Betty ford says i'm here all night
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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