Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
