you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
