i permit you to call me
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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