you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
