i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
vagina is talking i cant
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
