3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
