you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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