the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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