My nipple is on Facebook.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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