im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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