Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
