Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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