I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
