i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
