hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
