Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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