Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
