i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
