i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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