Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
