i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
