would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
that is very illegal...i love you.
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