I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
