I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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