ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
3pm strippers are depressing
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
