my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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