Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
