this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
