Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
