What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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