mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
