If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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